Why does our very identity or sense of “self” feel challenged when we are corrected, hear a negative comment about our work, or feel we are not seen, heard, or respected? While these subtle stressors are not as dramatically threatening as the current pandemic or other health risks, global warming, or personal concerns about relationships or finances, they are still major contributors to overwhelm and burnout because they challenge our sense of belonging. Compassionate leaders have an important role to play for the benefit of their teams and their organizations through the creation of psychologically safe environments.
Our brain is constantly scanning for danger, a trait that we inherited from our evolutionary ancestors. That’s how we survived. When we detect a threat, our body leaps into action and we move into fight, flight, or freeze mode. This practice works well for avoiding threatening animals that could harm us and for many other lethal threats, both modern and ancient.
When we move into fight, flight or freeze mode, our less evolved parts of the brain take control and limit our capacity for higher level thinking. This limitation can be paralyzing in a work environment requiring thoughtful action. When the threat is to one’s sense of self, i.e. whether one is good enough or whether one belongs in a certain setting, the fight, flight or freeze response is particularly mismatched. The response doesn’t necessarily address the threat itself, and the takeover by the lower brain keeps one from responding from the higher executive function in the brain, with thoughts and actions which could help resolve the threat and make us feel safe.
Google’s Project Aristotle research established that psychological safety is the single most valuable characteristic contributing to team performance. Environments of safety are directly compassionate as they reduce the stress created during fight, flight, or freeze mode. Compassionate leaders who are able to create these environments will discover more potential and performance from their teams. Here are three compassionate leadership principles to lay the foundation of safety in your organization.
Meet your team members right where they are. One of the most powerful tools available to leaders in the creation of psychological safety is curiosity. Instead of concluding what is right and wrong with your team members’ performance, step back and ask, “I wonder why they are making the choices they are making.” This sort of inquiry is an especially valuable step when you view the choices they are making as poor.
Even seemingly unexplainable actions become clear when we look more deeply at root causes. Negative behaviors often arise from some sort of trauma or suffering. Compassion, which is focused on understanding and easing the suffering, is the right human response. It is also the right business response, because recognizing the true root of negative behaviors means you can address them with an effective remedy.
Communicate with care. The way we say things can have a significant impact on whether people are emotionally thrown into fight, flight, or freeze mode. The most important communication trait of a compassionate leader is that they listen deeply. Listening conveys respect for the words of the speaker. Knowing that they are heard creates safety.
The first thing you say has a disproportionate impact on the hearer’s response, so start with something affirming or connecting before moving to comments that are more developmental or critical. The single word “Why?” has a very powerful ability to create defensiveness, so find alternative, less judgmental ways to solicit explanations that support specific actions. A more in depth discussion of communicating with care can be found in our post “Language Matters.”
Don’t confuse the person with the behavior. It is easy to label someone engaging in negative behavior as a negative person. Not only is that not accurate, it isn’t helpful. As leaders, if our goal is to change negative behaviors, shame and judgment don’t work. What will work is creating an environment where team members understand that growth requires risk taking, and risk taking implies failure. Help your team to view failures as learning opportunities, not as indictments of their worth as a worker or as a human.
It may seem counter-intuitive, but the reverse of this principle is also true. Compassionate leaders must also be careful not to label individuals with positive behaviors as positive people. Saying “You’re so smart” instead of “That was a very clever solution you devised” reinforces the idea in people’s minds that they are either good or bad, smart or dumb.
In the midst of the serious overt threats of today’s uncertain world, leaders who emphasize environments of safety and belonging at a psychological level can make great progress for their organization and team. Awareness of your team members’ feelings and thoughtful communication, combined with small acts of attention, caring and kindness that show appreciation, respect, and understanding, will work powerfully in these challenging times.
This is one post in a series of posts about creating a culture of compassion. The other posts in this series are:
Transform and Thrive Through Compassionate Leadership
Creating Environments of Connection
Creating Environments of Belonging
Photo Credit: Neil Thomas on Unsplash.