On the journey to develop more compassionate teams and organizations, the action required is dictated by the specific circumstances. One organization may be doing an effective job creating resilience following setbacks, but needs help with developing cultures of belonging for all. Another organization may have a very efficient capacity for developing shared goals, but does not have environments of psychological safety that will help them reach those goals.
The practices, policies, and procedures that need work may vary from organization to organization, but there are two constants (in a world of constant change) that are central to the work of every compassionate leader: self-compassion and the recognition of our shared common humanity. We think of self-compassion and our shared common humanity as the bookends of compassionate leadership, while the different approaches available to compassionate leaders in any situation may be thought of as the infinite list of books from which to choose.
Self-compassion builds a strong foundation for compassionate leaders
Compassionate leaders can’t give what they don’t have. If leaders don’t take care of themselves with attention to their own self-compassion, they will find themselves depleted, burnt out, and unable to respond to the needs of others.
There are many misunderstandings and myths of self-compassion, and two are particularly important for compassionate leaders. The first of these two misunderstandings is that self-compassion is weak. However, self-compassion requires turning and facing our suffering and acknowledging that we are in pain. This is the only way to process difficult emotions when they arise. Doing that is not weak but is actually a difficult act – one that requires tremendous courage. Indeed, self-compassion in this way is an act of great strength.
The second misunderstanding of self-compassion is that it will lead to complacency. If we become self-compassionate, this line of thought goes, then we will settle for mediocrity. Research shows just the opposite. Self-compassion is a much better motivator than shame or other forms of self-punishment. Self-compassion allows us to turn our failures and mistakes into learning opportunities instead of moments to judge ourselves harshly. The evidence shows that with self-compassion we grow stronger, while shame makes us more fearful, making it harder to work productively.
Self-compassion is the first step to a fully developed sense of awareness and presence – for oneself and for others. This inner work grounds compassionate leaders, allowing them to move from a place of authentic concern and kindness.
Recognizing our common humanity steers our actions toward the best possible outcome
The image of the “self-made” leader is a highly romanticized and admired idea, especially in the most economically developed parts of the world. That image is more illusion than reality, though. Our successes and failures are shaped by so much beyond our control. Our genes, our early upbringing, our teachers in school, culture, community, and our later mentors in life all have powerful impacts on every choice we make.
By relentlessly pursuing the success of our independent self, we cut ourselves off from the recognition of the support of others, which leads to greater isolation and loneliness. Advances in quantum physics are revealing the true depth of our interconnectedness. The impact of every action we take ripples out into the world in more resonant ways than we can sense. Compassionate leaders recognize and respect the wide-ranging impacts their actions have on others.
Putting compassion in action as mature, compassionate leaders
Just as action without wisdom is limited in its effectiveness, a foundation of self-compassion and interconnected common humanity without action will not lead to meaningful change. The two bookends provide a powerful foundation from which to act. They also help leaders define which actions to consider – the books between the bookends, if you will.
At the Center for Compassionate Leadership, the books are drawn from evidence-based practices in leadership development, awareness and emotional intelligence, neuroscience, and more. Compassionate leaders who have done their own inner work are able to choose the practices that will be the most helpful to their team, not the practice that will soothe the leader’s personal fear or anxiety.
Whether it is the creation of psychological safety, communicating compassionately, creating resilient teams and organizations, or acting courageously to advance social justice and the equal treatment of all people, the tools exist for compassionate leaders to bring their teams and organizations to a healthier, more productive level.
In closing…
The journey of life and leadership is a constant cycle of expansion and contraction, ebb and flow, ups and downs. Self-compassion and recognition of our shared common humanity supports the compassionate leadership response in every phase. These two pillars also give us the strength and courage to continue thriving as we shape the future.