Let’s pause and pay attention to the dramatic openness this past month by three different world class athletes: Naomi Osaka, Simone Biles, and Noah Lyles. Each, in their own personal way, expressed the profound challenges they faced while standing at the very top of their respective sports. We honor the amazing courage it took each of them to break through the expected norm – to silence their suffering – and finally speak out. Even these elite leaders hid their challenges from the world. We can all relate.
Each and every one of us faces challenges
These high-profile examples relate to mental health issues, which have tripled during the period of the COVID-19 pandemic. CDC figures show that depression and anxiety rates have soared. Your team and colleagues were likely facing these mental health issues before the pandemic, and that likelihood is substantially greater now. Unfortunately, most people are still hiding their need for help due to a fear of being stigmatized or labeled.
Mental health concerns, while enormously significant, are only one type of challenge we all deal with in these rapidly changing times. Caregiving needs for older family members or for children is another area that can create significant levels of stress. The reality is that any area in which you can name a difficult, or sometimes even a positive life change, can upset the apple cart of “normal” workflow, productivity, and well-being.
We always have a choice about how we show up in our leadership. We can choose to be compassionate and work together to find a response to the suffering and its wider impact. Or we can consciously or unconsciously build a wall, turn away, or even fail to acknowledge that anything is amiss.
Creating cultures of acceptance
What kind of culture are you modeling and creating in your organization? So long as your culture is still mired in old paradigms of competition and profits over people, it should not be a surprise that your colleagues hide their problems and imperfections. We build high walls of protection when any hint of weakness creates risk and vulnerability to attack.
Setting an example as a leader who is transparent, honest, authentic, and whole, and seeks to be fully human and vulnerable, creates a welcoming environment of acceptance and support.
Vulnerability strengthens teams through its powerful impact on trust. Trust is our willingness to rely on the action of our colleagues and the understanding that they also rely on us. Showing our vulnerability sends a powerful message that you trust your colleagues and that you are relying on them to use the shared knowledge constructively, not harmfully. Leaders need to go first by courageously revealing our vulnerable parts, and soon everyone will understand that they can too. Trust takes time to ripen, so be patient with yourself, your team, and the process.
Finding the boundary is a dynamic process
In the foundational research paper Understanding Compassion Capability, Jacoba M. Lilius and colleagues introduce a concept they call “dynamic boundary permeability.” At its heart, the idea is that one can neither wall off one’s work and personal lives from each other, nor merge them completely. Our personal life, including its joys and sufferings, come with us to work in some form, if only in our mind, and will have an impact on the work we produce. Likewise, our work-related successes and stresses bleed into our personal life at the end of the workday.
Leaders need to be aware of their team members’ emotional states and how those are being affected by non-work factors. Only then can we respond compassionately in ways that support our colleague’s well-being and the well-being of the entire team. Similarly, we all need to find limits to the stress of carrying work “home” with us. While our physical boundaries of home and office may have evaporated during the pandemic, we have to be even more creative with ways to transition back and forth. We must also honor the uneven nature of work flow and life flow, which is more like a see-saw going up and down at different times depending on circumstances. Throughout it all, our ability to make space to recharge and refresh is vital to our capacity to work in productive, valuable ways. A simple example of this is having email and work-related text “do not disturb” times of the day or week.
In closing…
No one gets a pass. Not world-class athletes, CEOs, essential workers, parents, teachers, and especially our kids. We all suffer. Everyone encounters stumbling blocks – if not now, then soon enough. As we learn to accept and embrace all the ups and downs of work and life, we become more aware of our common human needs and desires. Putting your compassion in action towards yourself and others will allow the walls to crumble, soften, and eventually fall. That’s how we rebuild a world fit for all of us. Where we all feel safe, connected, and belong. A world based on trust, love, equity, and peace.