You are reading this because you care, and care a lot! As a compassionate person and a compassionate leader, caring is a core value that motivates you and shapes your purpose. The world is in urgent need of leaders who are doing their work with a loving heart and concern for the well-being of others and our planet.
Yet when our caring impulses exceed our caring capacity, we burn out. This is bad for everyone concerned. First for ourselves, as we lose our energy for life, and burnout can lead to chronic stress, depression, disconnection from community and more. It also means we can’t contribute with our full stack of resources. How do we make sure that we fulfill our caring motivations in the most beneficial way?
Pay close attention to what is possible.
Yes, you can care too much. This is especially the case for those of us who are committed leaders working tirelessly to care for others, to developing more compassionate organizations, and building a more compassionate world. However, we are all finite, mortal beings. No matter how hard we try, or how much we give, we will not be able to address all the challenges in the world.
Awareness of the needs of those you care for is a requirement for compassionate leadership. That awareness must be coupled with an awareness of what you are able to offer and achieve. Staying focused on what you can do keeps the motivation positive. We each have our own contribution, which when added to the contribution of everyone else allows us to impact the world in dramatic fashion.
There are an unlimited number of ways we can offer caring in the world. Understanding the limits of our own capabilities allows us to set boundaries more easily and comfortably say no to the many, many things we can’t do, and give us space and time to respond to focusing on what is possible.
Caring must be balanced.
Operating within the boundaries of our own personal capacity is a valuable starting point for caring in an effective way. There is another hurdle many of us face, and that is not that we are caring too much, but that we are not caring in a balanced way. Our caring energy comes from an interior well that needs to be refilled. If we only care for others, but don’t care for ourselves, that well will run dry.
Remember to regularly ask yourself the core question of inner compassion, “What do I need?” Taking care of yourself in this way allows you to take care of others. Do you find it hard to take care of yourself? If you do, you certainly are not alone. Most of us have been acculturated to believing that self-care is selfish. Many people who are highly motivated to care for others find it a challenge to care for themselves. If this rings true in your life, we highly recommend reading Kristin Neff’s compelling piece on the Five Myths of Self-Compassion.
Caring is not the same thing as being nice.
For caring leaders, it can sometimes be hard to have difficult conversations or discuss developmental feedback. Do you avoid these types of encounters for fear of hurting someone? Our mind knows it’s better to address a problem as it emerges, before it evolves to a larger challenge and requires a more uncomfortable confrontation. Our caring heart, however, wants to avoid the possibility of causing harm to another.
It's not an either/or choice. Being a compassionate leader means learning to separate the behavior from the person as the first step to delivering difficult news in a caring way. At the core of this capacity is your own state of mind toward the person you are talking to. Can you accept them just as they are? If so, you are on the right path to giving them the feedback they need. You will be in a better position to deliver the news in direct, non-judgmental ways.
On the other hand, if your frustration about their behaviors leads to negative feelings about or anger at the person themselves, then it will be harder to have a conversation without them feeling judged or hurt. You might notice a sign of this destructive inner state if you find yourself labeling them as a result of their behavior with terms such as lazy, uncaring, sloppy, selfish, etc. Challenge the behavior, but respect the individual.
In closing…
Recent history and these current times demand more of us than ever before. Our hearts ache as we resonate with the chaos and suffering all around us. Our response as compassionate leaders is that we step into action on the front lines – doing more and giving more to others. Remember to also prioritize your own well-being and resourcing yourself. Your leadership and the world depend on it.