Every organization, every team, everyone faces failure at different times. How we respond can make all the difference in how quickly we bounce back and learn to innovate in the future. In many organizations or teams, the typical response to negative events is shame and blame, which is simply not a productive solution. To create resilient, learning cultures, leaders need to respond with compassionate actions instead of shaming ones.
Shaming doesn’t work.
The most compelling argument for avoiding shame-based leadership is the simplest: Shaming doesn’t work. Research shows that shame is not an effective tool to bring about positive behavior change. The behaviors it does generate are counter-productive for learning organizations.
Shame involves a direct challenge to our dignity and feelings of self-respect. This negative self-view often triggers an impulse to withdraw and be removed from being seen by others. It can also lead to covering up of anything that might reinforce the negative self-image of the one being shamed. Withdrawal makes team cooperation more difficult. Hiding behaviors and covering things up will slow (or even halt) the process of learning, innovation, and behavior correction.
Shame has also been connected through extensive research to increased aggression. Individuals who feel shamed exhibit increased blaming of others, angry emotional displays, and lashing out. This behavior can have a toxic impact on team morale, cohesion, and effectiveness, and will also inhibit the process of learning and bouncing back. There is an alternative, however.
Compassion as the antidote to shame.
Failure happens. While shaming implies that someone who fails or makes a mistake is a less worthy human, compassion recognizes that failure is an inextricable part of being human. At the same time, a compassionate response doesn’t deny the negative impact of a mistake or failure. Rather, compassionate leaders evenly acknowledge what has happened, and turn the focus to learning from it.
The first step in the compassionate response to failure is acknowledgement of what has happened. The acknowledgement should be clear and direct, and it should be connected to an understanding of why the failure is relevant. There should be no candy coating, and the acknowledgement needs to be observational, not judgmental.
Compassionate leaders keep the focus on learning and on impacting how the “next time” will unfold. It is up to leaders to communicate the potential for change in constructive ways, which requires strong grounding in advance. Leaders must have enough self-awareness to know whether they are able to speak in observational ways about failure, or whether they are feeling angry, upset, and/or judgmental. Only ten percent of communication derives from words, so a perfect script will be betrayed by the ninety percent of communication conveyed by tone of voice and non-verbal signals. If the leader is feeling judgmental, it will be communicated, and people will feel shamed.
Organizational flourishing flows from compassionate leadership.
Compassionate leadership is hard, and perhaps at its most difficult during times of failure and distress. But taking on the difficulty is more than worth it. The power of compassionate leadership flows from its ability to avoid the negative impacts of shame while also reaping the positive benefits that come from a trusting, enjoyable work environment.
An environment characterized by shame is toxic. People point fingers at each other and retreat to private spaces because the connections among team members are strained. When negative events occur, people hide them or run from them, rather than confront and respond to them. Bad news compounds on itself as it festers rather than heals. Cooperation wanes and information flow – the lifeblood of organizational success – slows to a trickle.
On the other hand, a leader with the capability to name failure and negative outcomes with courage and without harsh judgment creates an environment of resilience, psychological safety, trust, and information transparency. When failure and mistakes inevitably arise, they become short-term setbacks with opportunities for learning and improvement. The recognition that failure is an unavoidable part of being human ratchets down the stress on teams, allowing them to take healthy risks, and to respond quickly to, rather than avoid, bad news.
In conclusion.
Bad news is bad news. We all screw up at some point. We are human! Treating failure as an integral part of the growth process creates the culture we all want to be a part of. Leaders who show a compassionate response to failure are destined to unleash the power of trust, innovation, and creativity in their teams. While responding with compassion requires difficult conversations and courage, both you and your organization will benefit.