At Emory University’s graduation in 2005, news anchor Tom Brokaw famously said, “Here’s a secret that no one has told you: All life is junior high.” The line presents as both funny and profound at the same time. The rivalries, insecurities and false bravado of junior high continue throughout life, albeit often masked by the subtlety of a more sophisticated adult brain.
Brokaw’s wisdom would be funny if the consequences of its truth were not so catastrophic. Exclusion has significant tragic impacts in our world. Those who are marginalized or excluded suffer violence, victimization, trauma, poorer health outcomes and shorter lifespans, food insecurity, reduced access to work and housing, and routine indignities in everyday interactions. Unfortunately, this is real life, not junior high.
Other was added to the Merriam-Webster dictionary as a verb in 2017, and is defined as “to treat or consider (a person or a group of people) as alien to oneself or one's group (as because of different racial, sexual, or cultural characteristics).” An earlier, richer definition comes from john a. powell and Stephen Menendian in their seminal article The Problem of Othering: Towards Inclusiveness and Belonging. They define othering as “a set of dynamics, processes, and structures that engender marginality and persistent inequality across any of the full range of human differences based on group identities.”
Who gets to decide who is included and who is excluded? No group has a claim on basic humanity. We must all strive to break down the dynamics, structures and processes that contribute to systemic inequality for marginalized groups. To break down these enablers of othering, we need to recognize where othering comes from, understand its pervasive impact, and practice ways that support each of us to recognize the humanity of every person we meet.
1. The urge to other is innate, and often operates at an unconscious level.
If we are to break down the walls of othering, we must first recognize its presence and understand its origin. We cannot eliminate that which we deny even exists. The urge to other exists in each of us.
Our species has evolved in ways that create categorization systems defining what is safe and what is not, and we are hardwired to recognize those differences. While our brains automatically create categories as part of our survival instinct, the content of the categories are created based on our social experiences. The urge to other is like a vehicle that rides on a deep evolutionary neurological structure, but the vehicle is built by the environment in which we were shaped. This, of course, implies that we can rebuild the vehicle to be inclusive and invite belonging to all, and current neuroscience establishes the validity of this antidote.
2. While race is a primary form of othering, it’s not just about race.
Race and ethnicity have been primary forms of othering for as long as humans have had the ability to categorize into different groups. Racism continues to be the biggest vector for othering, especially in the United States, and deserves every bit of energy possible to eliminate it. Yet racism is only the start of how we other. We can also other based on religion, gender identification, physical characteristics like weight or height, sexual orientation, disability, political leaning, socioeconomic standing, as well as additional characteristics.
You can discover some of the many ways that unconscious bias may exist in you by taking a test at Project Implicit. It can be humbling and surprising to find out through this simple test how our brains respond differently to different groups of people.
3. We can strengthen our ability to recognize the humanity of everyone we meet through practice.
The many discoveries of modern neuroscience that have helped us understand the origins of our urge to other also show us the way forward and away from othering. The survival instinct that creates caution around those different from us exists right alongside a deep mammalian urge for human connection. We humans desire to be safe AND desire to be connected.
We can strengthen our connectional skills by recognizing our similarities to each and every person we meet. Any time we feel apart from another person, we can use the Just Like Me practice to remind us of our shared humanity and strengthen our connection to others. This is a powerful tool to widen your circle of compassion and belonging.
Deep in our hearts, however wounded, we all simply want to feel loved and feel like we belong. As Gandhi encouraged, we should be the change we want to see by reaching out to another to make them feel loved. Let us soak in and be guided by the beautiful words of the 14th Century Persian poet Hafiz:
Admit something:
Everyone you see, you say to them,
“Love me.”
Of course you do not do this out loud;
Otherwise,
Someone would call the cops.
Still though, think about this,
This great pull in us
To connect.
Why not become the one
Who lives with a full moon in each eye
That is always saying,
With that sweet moon
Language,
What every other eye in this world
Is dying to
Hear.
From The Gift: Poems by Hafiz, translated by Daniel Ladinsky.