Empathy: Resonance, Not Rescue
Empathy is the third essential element in our four-element model of compassion. It comes after we interpret generously and before we take compassionate action.
Empathy is the state of resonating with another person’s emotions, both positive and negative emotions. In the context of compassion, we are specifically referring to connecting with someone in their suffering. Empathy allows us to register not just that something is wrong, but to feel what it might be like for this person, in this moment, from their point of view.
This empathic resonance is not abstract or only cognitive. It is embodied. When empathy is present, we feel what the other is feeling, such as sadness, fear, frustration, or grief. While the less challenging response might be to turn away, on the path to compassionate action we courageously turn toward someone’s suffering.
Two Forms of Empathy: Affective and Cognitive
Empathy is not a single skill. Research typically distinguishes between two interrelated forms:
Affective empathy refers to our emotional understanding of another person’s experience. This is the felt sense of another’s distress – the tightening in the chest when we see someone in pain, or the heaviness we feel when another shares a loss. Humans experience affective empathy because we have bodies and nervous systems that resonate with the emotional states of others. AI, however sophisticated, cannot feel, regulate, or share emotional states; it only models and reproduces patterns associated with them.
Cognitive empathy refers to our intellectual capacity to understand another person’s inner world. We truly get their perspective, context, and emotional experience. Strengthening cognitive empathy involves curiosity, perspective-taking, and an openness to being informed by another’s lived experience. AI can approximate cognitive empathy by inferring what someone may be feeling or thinking from data and context, but it does not actually understand another person’s experience, because it has no subjective perspective, lived experience, or relational stake.
Both matter. Affective empathy connects us emotionally; cognitive empathy helps us stay oriented and accurate. Together, they support a response that is both human and wise.
Empathy and Compassion Are Different
Often empathy and compassion are used as interchangeable terms. In fact, the difference between them is critical for leaders to understand. Compassion includes empathy but goes further. Compassion adds the intention to alleviate suffering, paired with discernment about what action, if any, is actually helpful.
Neuroscience research by Tania Singer and Olga Klimecki helps clarify this distinction. Their work shows that empathic distress and compassion activate different neural pathways. When people remain in empathic resonance without moving into compassion, brain regions associated with pain and threat remain highly active. Over time, this state is linked to emotional exhaustion and burnout.
By contrast, compassion activates neural circuits associated with affiliation, caregiving, and positive motivation. It is a different state that includes care and concern as well as steadiness, boundaries, and the capacity to act without becoming overwhelmed.
The path to compassionate action includes two important dangers as we are called to act with empathy: bypassing and getting stuck.
The First Risk: Bypassing Empathy to Fix, Fix, Fix
Empathy can be downright uncomfortable. Feeling another person’s distress can be unsettling, especially for leaders who are accustomed to solving problems, moving quickly, or staying in control.
One common response to this discomfort is to bypass empathy altogether by skipping over resonance and moving straight into fixing. We may offer advice too quickly or propose solutions that haven’t been asked for. Taking action before we fully understand what the other person is experiencing can often do more harm than good.
This is a particular risk for leaders and people in positions of authority who have been rewarded for decisiveness and confidence. These rewards emerge from well-intended systems designed to value efficiency, expertise, and control, even when they inadvertently narrow how understanding is formed. Over time, this can create hubris and the belief that the leader's way of understanding is superior. We begin responding based on what we would feel or do in a similar situation, rather than attuning to what another person is actually experiencing. In addition to missing the mark, such action can increase the other person’s sense of being unseen or unheard.
Empathy requires us to slow down and suspend our assumptions and judgements. It calls us to engage our curiosity with careful listening and let another person’s experience inform our understanding.
The Second Risk: Getting Stuck in Empathic Distress
At the other end of the spectrum lies a different risk: remaining in empathic resonance without boundaries.
When we stay fully immersed in another person’s distress we can easily become overwhelmed. This is a particular risk in roles where suffering is encountered frequently. Over time, this can lead to empathic fatigue and burnout. The nervous system remains emotionally flooded without a pathway toward resolution or care.
To avoid falling into empathic distress, leaders need to pay attention to what they are experiencing, create boundaries, and acknowledge that not all suffering is ours to carry. It includes the recognition that there are limits to what we can do.
Compassionate leaders regularly ask, "What is mine to do?" Asking this leads to healthy boundaries and compassionate action that is both wise and sustainable.
Empathy With Discernment
Compassionate leaders learn to navigate the risks of empathy by cultivating strong awareness and discernment.
This means:
Allowing ourselves to be emotionally touched by another’s experience
Staying curious about their perspective rather than projecting our own
Recognizing what action is appropriate, including something as simple as presence
Holding clear boundaries around our own responsibility and capacity
Empathy, when held skillfully, becomes a bridge to compassion by connecting us to shared humanity while preserving the steadiness needed for wise action.
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PS. For those who want to deepen their capacity to learn how to apply compassion leadership in your context, the Compassionate Leadership Certification Training offers a structured path for learning the practices, skills, and shared language that support this work. Through evidence-based frameworks, contemplative practice, and a global community of leaders, participants strengthen their ability to apply compassionate leadership in themselves, their relationships, and the systems they influence.